Two Minutes Hate

Dear children's book "authors,"

Thanks for ruining what I used to think would be one of those highlights of parenthood: reading with my daughter.


I'm looking at you, creators of the crafts-gone-bad "books" (felt, glitter and yarn glued onto a few photos of animals barely qualifies as a camp project, let alone a book).

There I am dutifully reading our animal book like every other parent of an infant:


"Cow. Moooooo."

"Pig. Oink, oink."

"Horse. Neigh, neigh."

"Tiger. Rawr."

And then, you coy, sadistic little a-holes throw in a picture of a turtle. What am I supposed to do with that?

The Bean looks up at me expecting a noise and I got nothing; you know she's thinking to herself "Jesus, this woman doesn't even know what a turtle says...I'm doomed."


She's my daughter...I assure you, she's judging me.


Thanks.


Mrs. D-Zo