Sunday, January 29, 2012

At Least I Can Say I Told You So


It's not like I was surprised. OK fine. I was surprised. I wanted it so bad and was riding the high of an amazing Day 2. What could possibly go wrong? I was following the rules. THE RULES! I live for rules for the simple reason that when you follow the rules there is an expected (and, in my opinion, guaranteed) outcome.

Reason #674 for Why I Hate Sleep Training: There is no wiggle room in these rules. AT. ALL. Failure to comply with the rules results in a sleep training reset. Back to the very beginning.

Let's get caught up, shall we?

By Night 3, The Bean learned the sleep routine and wasn't keen on getting tricked into sleeping in her crib again. She put up a good long fight. After an hour and a half of crying, soothing, rolling around and general pissiness, she fell asleep.

But then at 3AM, I awoke to her screaming and when it seemed like she wasn't going to be falling back to sleep, I went in to soothe her. Except when I walked in, I saw this:

Do you know what that is? If you guessed it's a room overflowing with pee, you won!

Her diaper was soaked. Her pajamas were soaked. The crib sheet was soaked. Either an entire fraternity on their way back from a Beer Pong tournament used The Bean's room as a rest stop or my custom sleep training routine including a large bottle as The Bean falls asleep backfired.

Not only did I now HAVE to pick her up, but I also had no idea where the other crib sheets were. Brilliant.

Night 3 ended like this:

I was ready to start anew on Night 4, alas, Nights 4 and 5 brought their own issues. Namely:

Yes. We caught colds. Again. For the eleventy billionth time this year. I'm setting my house on fire.

Miserable, sick child means:

Luckily the cold passed by Night 6. But I was over it all. So when The Bean woke up at 3 in the morning:

Let's not look at the time on the clock...I'm too tired to keep updating the cartoon.
And now it's tonight. Night 7.

Which is really Night 1.

I've renewed my commitment to this. Come hell or high water or colds or...I am not making this sh*t up. The Bean just woke up again in the pee pool. Looks like being a hippie and using cloth diapers is not conducive to sleep training. Overnight diapers are on the list for tomorrow. As for tonight, luckily I found the other crib sheet.

And so it begins. Again.


(Don't worry. I won't be blogging about this adventure again until we achieve success. Likely when The Bean is 23.)


Nicole J @ Pampers and Pumps said...

B soaks through his diaper every night. I have the baby dry Pampers which say 12 hours of dryness....Bull Shit! I have to change his clothes and the mattress pad every night just about. Good luck with sleep training I know it isn't easy!

pregnancy doctor maricopa said...

I can tell your on your peak. You have such wonderful creative ideas.

Kathleen Summers said...

So sorry for the sleep-deprivation and misery. Despite that you are still hilarious. And more posts on this, if you choose to, would be cool.

Hugs and sparkle fairy rainbows for night 7/1!

AJ said...

So funny and also soooo terrible. Hang in there. Haaate to say but I never had success w/ cloth diapers after about month...4... Just not absorbent enough for a big baby. But wonderful! But not absorbent. Try getting The Ultimate Crib Sheet, too. You put it over your sheet and if thre's an accident you just pull it off, and viola! New clean sheet, 5 seconds flat. Sending sleep vibes.

Mrs. D-Zo said...

Nicole - sigh. Not the news I needed girl. Maybe I'll just wrap The Bean in a shamwow.

Kathleen - Aw shucks. No sleep = funny (read: insane babbling). I will say night 7/1 was pleasant pats on the back and a fairy rainbow that didn't end in a pot of poop. Win.

Mrs. D-Zo said...

AJ - The Ultimate Crib Sheet? What is this contraption you speak of? Is it like a pad of construction paper that you just peel off a top layer?

Where were the rest of you on this!?!?!? Slackers!