Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Mechanics

So, here I am today (sans makeup and any sort of hair styling--don't judge, you're lucky I got out of my pajamas):



Yes, I believe I have officially set the world record for largest boobs in the history of ever.

I am 36 weeks and some odd days into this pregnancy which means I am days away from being considered full-term. Good thing that's not a wildly horrifying and fear-inducing thought and doesn't set off the crazy monsters who live in my head.

So, I'm just a touch pregnant.

For the most part, there are pretty simple workarounds for dealing with the enormous growths taking over my (or what used to be my) body. Need to put on shoes? Easy enough, if you sit down and swing your legs up to the side. Drop something on the floor? No worries, it can live there until the baby is born.

But there is one activity which I MUST do every week and the workaround leaves a lot to be desired. So I welcome all thoughts and suggestions.

Each and every doctor's appointment from the onset of this pregnancy includes peeing in a cup.

Which is no problem when you don't have an unmovable mass of squirmy child sitting on your lap.

Figure 1:


But that's no longer the case. Now my arms no longer can make the trip to collect this weekly specimen using the usual path.

Figure 2:


Not a big problem because you can just go in from the side. Except. Well, it's a little difficult to see what's going on down below these days. I want you to go to the bathroom and close your eyes and attempt to pee into a Dixie cup.

How's that cup-holding hand doing?

Figure 3:


So, you have to get creative on how to make this all work. And can I tell you, that creative + pregnancy does not equal pretty?

Figure 4:


I'm turning to you interwebs. How do we perform this feat without (1) ending up with pee hands, (2) needing to perform advanced yoga moves, or (3) endangering myself or The Bean?

6 comments:

Nicole J @ Knocked Up said...

1) My boobs haven't gotten that big from being pregnant :( Granted my nips are a lot darker which is creepy, but not bigger. 2) I'm no help in the pee cup thing, I can still reach in front :( I hope someone can help you figure it out....maybe ask the nurse if you can have a glove so if you do pee on your hand it's not on your skin?

The Doe Family said...

Holy Crapola, that is exactly what I'm going through myself right now!!! Hysterical! The peeing int eh cup thing has gotten more and more difficult. SO TRUE!! hahahahaha

Thinking of you, and hoping you have an easy and fast delivery.
xxooxx

Rachel

Amy E said...

I'm also so glad to read this. I talked to the nurse about it who's obviously heard the complaint a thousand times. Hmmm.... only a few more weeks to go anyway!

mompet said...

Ask the nurse for a glove and go for it

Love
Mom

Anonymous said...

Just want you to know that I once peed my pants because I couldn't see that I still had underwear on. Pregnancy is a lot of things but glamorous is one thing that it definitely is not.
Hang in there...it is almost over!
alyssa

Lauren said...

Love this post! Never had this problem but can see how.