So here I am in my 15th month of pregnancy.
Two weeks ago, I got to peek inside my womb because my doctor couldn't tell if The Bean was head up or head down and if one wants to squirt humans out of their naughty bits, those being squirted should be head down. (I've just determined squirt can be added to the list of words that upset me.)
You guys...she has her father's head. It was super cute to see the unmistakable resemblance right up until the moment I realized it looked JUST like her father's head. And her father's head is enormous. It might be the same size as his. Right now.
So I started to panic. I haven't stopped yet.
I should've known she was head down because that enormous head is pushing down on parts of mine which would prefer to not be pushed down on 24 hours a day. Parts that were not intended to be pushed on for any extended period of time. Parts that try to escape the pressure when they are so taxed. Parts that...
...guys, my butthole fell out.
Oh sure, this is common for pregnancy. I can't say it was a big surprise. But it's still upsetting when you realize things normally living inside of you are suddenly making their way out.
Sort of like having a baby.
But far less cute.
So please pardon me while I go rub down with witch hazel, take a warm bath and apply an ice pack while balancing on my head to get my butthole back to its rightful place inside my body.