Monday, February 13, 2012

A Day in the Night

Being married is remarkably like spending time at sleep-away camp. Or so I imagine. I never actually went to sleep-away camp because that would require you to do *whisper* number 2 in a toilet outside of your own house. And once you go there, you are one step removed from running around naked killing baby bunnies. 

The first night I was bundled in my blanket burrito and Michael burrowed in and jutted his ice cold feet against my cozy warm legs, I had to restrain the urge to pull his eyeballs out through his bellybutton. Because I married him and I think that was in our vows somewhere.

He cackled like a little girl. And yet, he still lives.

Like many married couples, we're a study of contrasts - particularly when it comes to sleeping habits. I wrap myself in the blankets like it's my job and Michael is busy kicking his blankets off the bed. Michael likes to get his cuddle on and I prefer a 10-foot radius of "personal space" around my person at night.

This leads to bedroom war games that eventually end in actual truces. When is the last time you had to draw a physical truce with someone so you could get some sleep without fear of being tickled?

But it's not all kid games. Like many adults (I imagine), we have intense conversations which keep us up far past our bedtime. 

This last weekend, Michael opened up a most intriguing topic which I will now share with you.

Michael: So, we used to play this game where you take a movie title and replace one word with the word 'sphincter.' OK, go.

Mrs. D-Zo: ...uh...(I hadn't yet put on my 15-year old boy hat, so I had no idea what he was talking about.)

Michael: A Sphincter Runs Through It; The Good, The Bad, The Sphincter

Mrs. D-Zo: My Big, Fat, Greek Sphincter

An hour zips by as we play the game. I am in competitive overdrive. I simply must win the best substitution of sphincter ever. My life, and more importantly, measure of intelligence depends on this.

Michael: The Sphincter Josey Wales

Mrs. D-Zo: The Great Sphincter Caper

Another hour gone to the sphincter brainstorming session.

Mrs. D-Zo: The Sphincter Strikes Back

Michael: White Sphincters Can't Jump

Mrs. D-Zo: Hah! Good one. OK, we have to stop. We will be up all night doing this. You know I won't be able to stop.

Michael: Yeah. You're right. OK, goodnight.

Mrs. D-Zo: Honey, I Shrunk the Sphincters

Michael: Raiders of the Lost Sphincter

Mrs. D-Zo: Cat on a Hot Tin Sphincter

Michael: The Quiet Sphincter

Mrs. D-Zo: Oh my God, we have to stop. I already won't sleep because I'm going to have to beat The Quiet Sphincter now. I'll fall asleep, but will probably jolt awake at 4 AM yelling, "But babe...what about Sense and Sphincterability????"

And there really is no point to this post, except I hope you're up all night playing the sphincter-movie game in your head.


ErinMSW said...

That's awesome. We play a similar game but with car names and the word anal. Ford cars are the best: Anal Fusion. Anal Escape. We spent hours playing it with some friends one very drunken evening.

Kathleen Summers said...

Lord of the Sphincter.

(laughing as I imagine you keeping each other up with this game!)

Kathleen Summers said...

And the funny thing if you're Lord of the Rings obsessed as we are in this family, is what you'd naturally think next:

One Sphincter to rule them all,
One Sphincter to find them,
One Sphincter to bring them all,
and in the darkness bind them.

Shelley said...

Hehehe love it

Missy | Literal Mom said...

Funny! Totally going to have to try this - a neat way to laugh with your husband.