Monday, April 25, 2011

Before and After

As a woman, one of my favorite things is the makeover. Whether it be a house renovation, a new hair style, weight loss...whatever.

Those before and after photos capture my imagination and let me know all can be right in the world if you have access to landscapers, plastic surgeons, zillions of dollars in cash for a new wardrobe or willpower--things I am woefully missing in my life, but I can dream.

Let me show you the power of before and after photos.

We'll start with the largest of our brood, Bear. A Great Pyrenees who received his first summer shave this past week.


And After:

They walked him out of the back room and I didn't recognize my own dog.

But we're not here to make fun of the lollipop pup. We're here to make fun of me. So, let's get on with it.

In a few almost every single post, I complain about how much my boobs have grown as a result of pregnancy. But I'm not quite sure you are all grasping the enormity (hah) of the situation.

While organizing my closets this past week (hello, nesting), I came across a most brilliant way to illustrate my troubles to you.

Before Pregnancy:

It's no secret that I've always sported a larger bosom than most, but here is a pre-pregnancy bra with my size 7 flip flops for a comparison (I had no appropriate fruit in the house to do comparisons). We'll call this the manageable stage of my life.

Pregnancy--Wave 1:

Here you'll see the flip flop has been dwarfed by the gargantuan circus tent I use to wrangle the ladies in each day.

Let's do a side by side comparison to drive home the effect:

There it is.

Oh wait! Did you notice the "Wave 1" designation next to the pregnancy bra photo? That's right kids. Where there's a Wave 1, there must be a Wave 2.

It was 90 degrees this weekend which meant the maternity jeans I've been sporting for the past 2 months are getting to be a little toasty. It was time to get the summer maternity gear.

While I was trying on every last thing in the store to find one item that didn't make me look enormous (a difficult task when one is 30 weeks pregnant), I came across a dress which required a bra style different than the ones I currently own.

Except I couldn't close the bras in "my size."


Pregnancy--Wave 2:

I couldn't even fit the new bra in the camera screen. If you picture a parachute, then quadruple its size, you'll be close to what the new bras look like.

I didn't even know this particular bra size existed. They certainly don't carry it in the mainstream lingerie stores.

And the real rub of it all?

They're going to GROW AGAIN once my milk comes in.

It's a wonder I can stand up anymore.


danax said...

Oh my dear friend - I of all your friends empathize with your plight - although you are saying HA Dana - you're not even close! Anywhere from 6-11 more weeks lovely - keep her cooking! (Yes they will only let you go over by 1 week of your due date usually!) Julie and I each might need to help you carry one of your "ladies" on our walks in the near future!

Nicole J said...

I probably wouldn't recognize my dog either after shaving her, that is a huge difference. As for the boobs I know mine have grown because my 34C bras don't fit anymore but they haven't grown near as big as yours. Good luck with those lol.

Alyssa said...

Hi Jen, had to come to the blog to get a fix after listening to one too many stories from ppl who do think the world has stopped because they are WITH CHILD. I can say this because I was that obnoxious person once. Anyway, all I can say is pre natal massage. Noone's back & shoulders are meant to carry that much weight.