Monday, April 4, 2011

I Think I Might Be Pregnant

Michael: I thought you women are supposed to embrace being pregnant and be all 'I'm Mother Earth; Hear me roar.'

Jen: *Growls*

I made it all the way to the third trimester and all I got was a stupid gift basket of promotional items from the nurse who took my blood today.

The Bean is clearly taking after her mother and is inside the womb with her day planner making sure to cross major milestones off her to-do list as they arrive. Unfortunately, these milestones have driven home the fact that I am indeed pregnant and in the not-too-distant future will be caring for a live little human...or a large trout. You can never be too sure about these things.

The past 2 weeks have brought on a plethora of pregnancy symptoms. The powers that be were smart enough to realize they should wait until the third trimester to give me side effects or else I would've thrown in the towel months ago. Now I'm sort of invested to see this thing through; if only to ask The Bean why she needs to plant herself on my far right side for days on end making me lopsided and uncomfortable in every single position conducive to sleeping.

Today we discovered The Bean is measuring about a week ahead of where the average 27-week growing baby measures (who knew the medical community would be so accurate about these things); while I've gained no weight in 4 weeks. So she's clearly part magician.

It also explains why I am full after two bites of food. The Bean has shoved my stomach out of her way to make room for all of her spells, newt eyes and bubbling cauldrons.

We also learned The Bean is strategically positioned upside down (this is apparently good for babies, but seems wildly disconcerting and uncomfortable to me), which explains why I feel like someone is constantly kicking me in the ribs and punching me in the bladder--because someone is.

Go ahead and ask a close friend to do this to you. See how pleasant you are by the end of the day.

I'm Mother Earth...hear me complain.


Lauren said...

ha!! I love this post. Sorry about your suffering, but then what would you have to write.

Nicole J said...

Haha! I don't feel like I've gained any weight this past month eiether. My appetite is completely gone, I thought I was just weird but I'm glad to see that you too are full after a few bites.