Wednesday, October 5, 2011


I'm not proud of it.

It just sort of happened.

Curiosity mixed with desperation will make you do things you are ashamed to admit.

We thought it would just be a funny joke, but then it turned serious. It got bigger than we imagined, quicker than we could control it.

Just this once, we said. But we had to go back for more. The effects were profound. Mind boggling. Life changing. We couldn't stay away.

And when things get tough, we go back for more.

[deep breath]

My name is Mrs. D-Zo and I have let The Bean watch The Wiggles.

What!?!?! I know she's only 3 months old, but you don't understand. It's child voodoo magic.

One morning Michael and I were wondering what our life was going to be like once The Bean was at the age where she would be watching Sesame Street, that show with the giant goofy-looking alien creatures who may or may not be promoting Gay Pride and the dreaded purple dinosaur.

YouTube makes things too easy.

One quick search term and there they were. All The Wiggles videos you could hope for...and then 5,004 more.

We clicked on the one called Hot Potato. And the dapper, primary-colored gents began their siren call.

The Bean was sitting across the room and her head snapped around. This child, who has looked like a drunken sailor for the past month trying to get her head to cooperate, was suddenly in full control. She zeroed in on them and by the second sentence had a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. By the second verse, she was dancing in her bouncer and gazing adoringly at her new masters. "Your bidding is my command."

We laughed. It was cute. Then we turned it off and gave her a block to practice her motor skills.

The following week, bath time inadvertently launched Beanaggedon 2011.

I tried feeding her. I tried reading to her. I tried the binky. I tried bribery. I tried logic.

Michael walked in with The Wiggles.

That child immediately shut up and snapped to attention like the brainwashed minion she was. Less than half a nanosecond from hearing their voices, she was grinning like a fool, drooling uncontrollably, and trying to break free from my grasp so she could get her groove thing on.

These guys have figured it out. The 17 MILLION hits on the Hot Potato video is proof.

Desperate parents unite!

Don't look at me.


Nicole J @ Pampers & Pumps said...

B watches TV, he doesn't care what it is as long as it is bright and colorful. It doens't entertain him for long but it gives me a good 10-15 minute break here and there. I may look into these Wiggles that you talk of...

No Drama Mama said...

I feel the same way every time I turn on Sesame Street. The intro song is like baby crack.

The Happy Booker said...

I died laughing through most of this post! My son is 10 now but I remember.... "Fruit Salad, yummy yummy...." You'll have these songs in your dreams for decades to come...just saying.

The Happy Booker said...

PS. For the sake of your sanity, don't introduce her to "La la la la la la la la Elmo's World" Another ditty that plays forever in the background of my traumatized mommy mind.