Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Hold On To Your Foreheads. The Mind Blowing Is About To Commence.

Shut. Up.

You guys.

Oh my lordy, you guys.

I thought I was being a good little hippie. Boy, do I have a lot to learn! I had no idea how dedicated some of you can be.

I mean, wow.

Elimination Communication. Discuss...

OK, I'll discuss.

My friend mentioned this concept to me on the phone yesterday and before she started her next sentence, I was consulting Dr. Googles.

Mrs. D-Zo: Dr. Googles, is it true that people are out there potty training their children before they are six months old?

Dr. Googles: Yes!

Mrs. D-Zo: Did you read my query correctly? That said six MONTHS old.

Dr. Googles: I don't make mistakes, Mrs. D-Zo. You can read all about it here and here.

Mrs. D-Zo: Um, I don't mean to criticize, but have you read these articles? Some of these tips and techniques leave a lot to be desired...

"To prepare your child's environment, you'll just need to buy very small underwear (doll underwear can work)..."

"Using a container, such as a mixing bowl, keep the child diaperless..."

"Visit the Toilet Place Often"

"Signs which indicate he is about to urinate or have a bowel movement: crying or fussiness, grunting, squinting, kicking legs, squirming..."

Mrs. D-Zo: Explain yourself!

Dr. Googles: These are the facts.

Mrs. D-Zo: You are useless.

One of the biggest drawbacks to working from home is not having the ability to run into someone else's office with earth-shattering news and derail an entire workday with endless discussions on topics about which you know nothing.

So, I did the next best thing and jumped on IM.

Mrs. D-Zo: Holy crap, hippie co-worker!!!! You are never going to believe what I just learned! Seriously, brace yourself.

Hippie Co-worker (HCW): Aren't you supposed to be writing that report we're releasing next week?

Mrs. D-Zo: This is way more important than making money.

HCW: Thankfully you have your priorities straight.

Mrs. D-Zo: Stay focused. Elimination communication. Ready? Set? Go...

HCW: Oh yeah. Pretty intense, huh?

Mrs. D-Zo: WAIT! You KNEW about this insanity?

HCW: I was going to do it. I started it. But when Baby HCW was 1-week old and I was holding him over the sink to pee, I realized it wasn't my thing.

Now, I know I'm not supposed to judge other parents and if things work for you that's fabulous. BUT.

It wasn't that long ago that The Bean was a newborn. The memories are still sharp. Our days went something like this: Eat, Pee, Sleep, Pee, Stare, Poop, Pee, Eat, Pee, Poop, Pee, Sleep, Pee...you get the point. If on top of everything else, I had to run to the bathroom (or my mixing bowl) every time I thought The Bean was going to "eliminate," I'd still be sitting in there.

I can even get behind this concept until I am reminded that my child won't actually be able to WALK until they are about 12 months old.

So...who is potty training who?


Nicole J @ Pampers and Pumps said...

I joked about doing this from before B was born, I didn't know people actually did it. I'm going to wait until he is a bit older and can walk before potty training him.

Anonymous said...

I always thought this whole thing was a bit over the top.

If it works for them - I guess that's great, but I'm sticking to diapers for now. (And they are even disposable diapers...)

Mrs. D-Zo said...

I'm thinking this is some urban myth put out there giving us mothers ANOTHER thing to obsess about and fail at.

humanmama said...

oh. my. lord. That is something new. And I love this blog! More reading is about to happen. Thanks!